I thought I'd write this post on something most people will go through at least once in their lives. Heartbreak. I'm aware people can suffer broken hearts from various scenarios but in this blog I'm talking in the context of romantic relationships. If you've never experienced a broken heart then what I'm talking about might not mean that much to you, for everyone else I hope what I've learnt can be of some help.
I don't care whether you're a hardened marine or a little old lady, a broken heart affects everyone in the same way. What's different is how we deal with those emotions. I myself have suffered four broken hearts in my time albeit under different circumstances. Sometimes it's been compatability issues, other times relationships have ran their course, I've also loved someone who loved me back but due to timing and circumstance we weren't able to pursue that love. Either way the end result has been pretty similar, a broken heart.
There is no feeling quite like being broken hearted. It can strip your soul and make you feel vulnerable, rejected and bitter. It's a swirling assortment of the most negative emotions which you can choose to carry with you and affect your life for years to come or you can tackle in a productive manner. When you add emotions like betrayal, stress and anxiety into the mix it's easy to see why it often results in nervous breakdown. In my life I know of two people whom these negative emotions have been too much to carry, the first resulted in them taking their own life and the second resulted in the development of a serious psychiatric condition. This is the severity of what heartache can be.
So how do you deal with a broken heart?
In my opinion you have two ways to deal with heartache. The healthy way and the unhealthy way.
The unhealthy way, which is also the easy way, is to respond to these negative emotions through negative practices such as alcohol abuse, drug abuse, poor diet, festering/wallowing and arguing. Some people even resort to physical violence either on their former loved one or an unknown person who has nothing to do with how they're feeling. These practices are performed in the hope of driving a wedge between themselves and the awful set of circumstances their life has become. Another common negative way to deal with heartache is to try and replace the love lost with a new love as soon as possible. Some may refer to this as a 'rebound'. Although such practices may relieve a certain amount of pain in the short term, in the long run it's adding another layer of problems which will have to be addressed on top of the current problems at some point down the line.
It's easy to see why people end up in all sorts of trouble, mentally and physically, when they take the unhealthy approach to heartache.
The healthy way,that admittedly took me two broken hearts to figure out, is a selection of positive practices that will aid a quicker emotional recovery than choosing any of the aforementioned negative practices.
First of all I'd say it's important to own the emotions and not try to run away from them. There is no point trying to block emotions, all this will do is have a detrimental affect on your mental health and also your physical health. Keeping emotions and negative energy within is possibly one of the worse things you can do to your body. What I mean by owning the emotions is almost like shining a light on them, feeling them and recognising them within your body and mind. Understand that these emotions will pass and you will, over time, regain your level of happiness. I think it's important to mourn a relationship, after all you've lost something and this can be a great time to reflect and look at your life situation, where it's going and where you want to be. Cry bucket loads if needs be, let it all out and after an initial period of mourning it's important you pick yourself up. Start doing the things that maybe you've neglected whilst in a relationship. Start swimming again, bike riding, hanging out with your friends, painting, running etc. It's also good to try out new things and join new clubs which also gives you the added benefit of meeting new people. I find mindfulness meditation of great benefit not only when going through hard times but for all times in life. If you practice regularly when hard times come you'll have a great array of tools to lean on and help you through.
It's important to get rid of the junk food. Start eating fresh healthy food. Maybe try out juicing. It's true that we are what we eat. I don't think that just applies to the physical body but also to the emotional body. Getting up early in the morning and filling your days with work, exercise and hobbies will have the benefit of bringing a natural deep sleep come evening time. This is very important when going through emotional times. The better you sleep the more focused and emotionally stable you'll be the next day. Plus with being exhausted from your days activities you'll find it easier to drift off.
This isn't a quick fix and you'll no doubt feel a little worse before feeling better but it'll get you healthy and happy again a lot quicker than partaking in any negative practices. Something that really helped me and will help me again should I ever find myself with a broken heart is using a visualisation. I imagine being in a really long tunnel where it is dark all around except for that tiny little pin-prick of light at the end of the tunnel. (If you've ever travelled in any of the long canal tunnels in the UK you'll have an idea of what I mean). With every last piece of energy you have hold on to that tiny dot of light, always keep it with you. As the days pass and your positive practices start to pay off that tiny dot of light will grow bigger and brighter. The darkness will begin to disappear and before long you'll be at the end of the tunnel and be surrounded by light.
Above all remember that these negative emotions will pass and in time you'll be back to your happy self.
JN
